I found myself really caught up in my head and in conflict with a person that I was interacting with last week.  So, I took a step back to analyze the situation in front of me.  How am I causing the discomfort in this relationship? How can I invite this person in without it feeling like we are competing with one another even though our words sound like we genuinely like each other?  I know I don’t dislike this person, but something just feels off.

We all have a tendency to avoid uncomfortable conversations because they can disrupt a balance or energy we have within ourselves, but most of us rarely ask ourselves how we are contributing to that discomfort.  We have to change the energy within ourselves before trying to change the energy of others.  Next time you are feeling turned off in a conversation or relationship, ask yourself, “what am I doing to contribute to this?”  and “how can I shift my energy to build a positive relationship?”

We all face those conversations that we dreadfully try to avoid, but rather than back away, I challenge you to step up to the plate.  When we are faced with a disruptive energy, how can we show up to take this relationship head on? 

In conversation, use these simple tips to adjust the energy:

  • Focus: on the other person
  • Genuinely Listen: take away distractions and other thoughts that don’t serve the conversation
  • Respond vs React: Before responding, take a moment to digest what they have said.
  • Respond with Positivity:  Show understanding and interest in what they are saying
  • Lacking understanding?:  Ask them, don’t make assumptions
  • Show Compassion:  Show a genuine interest in their thoughts and ideas.  Ask more questions about the other person. Trust me, they like to hear themselves talk 😉


Reduce the stress and anxiety of being in conversations that may make you feel uncomfortable by knowing that you can control how you show up in any part of your life.  Take control of how you show up in an uncomfortable situation.  Create a strong and uplifting environment for yourself.  Next time you are feeling angry, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you have complete control.